Donut Hole
by eneresy
Summary: "I wonder since when that I can see a silhouette when I peeked trough this donut hole." a rather abstract interpretation of Kenshi Yonezu/Hachi's vocaloid song, Donut Hole.


Just like how we all have our own story, I think that we all have our own filled donut that represents our memories. Even though we're all donuts, We're-I'm made from a different flour and fillings, and I like the filled donut that is I.

Though I wonder since when I there's a chipping in my donut fillings.

Little by little, the chipping grew bigger into a hole. A small hole in the middle of the donut that I can peek into. I hold out my donut with a gaping hole, and saw a silhouette of someone. I tried talking to another person about my donut but I'm not even believed in. I can't answer anything that could define a person as it is. Though I'm also really sure that the hole that I peeked to is real, and so is that silhouette behind it.

I tried looking as it is, but I can't see you too. But there your shadow is, when I peeked through the cracked donut. No matter how many times I peeked through, I can't see anything but a silhouette. If you're anything but a figment of my imagination, I wonder why you bother me so much.

Suddenly, I noticed the rail that bounds everything in it, even me. Now that I can see it, I wonder what lies if I threaded on another rail. Surrounded by filled donuts who trailed the rail, I wonder since when I feel so suffocated as a "normal" donut. A hole is usual in a donut, right? I wonder since when filled donut is more normal than a donut. I never noticed how my rail is disappearing, but now, suddenly freed, I never feel so lost before.

Not knowing who you are, the chipping at my filling is, why does it torment me so? Do you laugh at me that suffered because I don't remember you? If you're the one who doesn't remember me, do you suffer the same as I am? I'll never know the answer, as the hollow laughs echoed.

It rained that day.  
But I didn't carry an umbrella. I wonder who wants to eat a soaked donut now?  
_No one, not even me._ I thought as the rain poured into my eyes, making new teardrops and still I can't hear you. I wonder what words your moving mouth yet silent voice uttered. Somehow I feel how your voice is filled with loneliness, just like how dark a cookies and cream filled donut.

Of course I tried to get over you, and those filled donuts are trying to fill the donut hole I have with another artificial filling. But I don't think that is right, because without my past, the base of the donut that holds the filling, I'll melt away whatever filling I'll carry. Between the pressure of wanting to know you, and the filled donuts, my heart is torn to ribbons while lamenting at my helplessness.

While eating a donut, I tried cutting it in lots of ways so that I can erase the hole. But no matter how I cut it, it doesn't even look like a donut now. Pieces of a donut without a hole in the middle of it. Isn't it just a sweet bread crumbs now? And still, the hole in the middle of the donut stared back at me.

One more night I sleep between the bed sheet and blanket, as I thought, I can't really help but breakdown. I want to let go of the past and live as it is, but I'd feel so empty. This gaping hole is so suffocating, but it is the only prove that you were here. But what can I do? I don't know. I don't know. I'll just bury all of it.

_Goodbye. So that we'll never—ever meet again._  
I counted as I let go of the lost fillings—feelings—that reminded me of you. I'd found that I even have to let go of your warmth and your voice. So that I thought it is the best for me. But to tell you the truth, it hurts me even more to let go of you than to live in this reality. If this "world" holds me back to see you, if it hurts this much, then it's better for me to forget this world and deny its reality, instead of you.

I closed my eyes, sinking, as I heard your clear voice that beckons me to your side.

I opened my eyes. With my pale arm that's wrapped with IV, I reached out to your voice that called my name since forever. Why does it took me so long to hear you? My feelings overtook me as I trembled to remember and say your name with this hoarse throat. With my eyes that finally sees your face, my ears that finally heard your voice, my skin that finally felt your warmth, your name is-

* * *

Author notes: Cue cliffhanger end. ahueheuhauehu-dammit Hachi, what's the nameeeee /shot/ Ahh, I'm really excited about Kenshi Yonezu's new album, I mean, he self covered Donut Hole! /cue spasms/  
I know that some parts (or, more like, everythinggg) are a bit confusing due to my abstractness and lack of language skills-so feel free to ask me a question about the story if there's anything confusing to you! :3  
This is my first time posting my fic in , I hope I'm doing okay-I'd appreciate it if you would tell me what you thought about my story~ Thanks for reading! :D

-eneresy


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